Boot Scootin' Boogie

I was beginning to think I would have nothing to write about today. Yes, H & H were going out dancing. Yes, something random ALWAYS happens, and occasionally that's all the night ever is - random.

But it was already about 12:30, on a Friday night and nothing unusual really stood out. I was starting to think maybe we were losing our touch, or maybe it was just meant to be that kind of night for us.

But then again, we really aren't capable of that, are we?

Visited the Crazy Horse in Irvine, which is always an interesting place. An odd mix of middle-aged singles looking to find that special someone to two step with, and the player regulars who are looking for that special anyone to grind with. But when it's 70's disco night, it also brings out people like us, who are just there to have a good time and laugh at everyone else.

So at about 1:30, I'm hanging outside, making sure one of our friends was okay who was talking with a group of guys. I'm in the smoking section, which has given me the hugest headache as I've been standing there talking with all the people who feel it necessary to blow every puff of smoke in my face. My feet are killing me because it had been raining all day and I had worn my boots - and besides, it was the freakin' Crazy Horse, right? *THE* wannabe country western bar in the heart of wannabe Orange County. The band was done for the night, so the disco music, and the DJ's hip hop music had given way to standard house/rave music in hopes that the crowd would thin out - which left only the die hards dancing the night away on the dance floor. If I had been high on X and had a glow stick, I might have joined in.

So I'm standing there, minding my own business making small talk with one of the guys, when a guy named Nick approached me. He was obviously intoxicated, but wasn't being rude or obnoxious, so I turned my attention toward him and tried to have whatever conversation was possible. It was pleasant, but mostly consisted of me telling him all the reasons why I DIDN'T want to dance (refer above: my feet hurt, crappy music, etc...), and he persistently asking me. Now, I'm not too clueless to understand he was most definitely feeling the pressure of last call and not having anyone to go home with - but I humored him. A friend of his happened to walk by, so I brought him over, and included Heather as well. It was announced to be the second to last song, and Nick's buddy really wanted to dance, so he persuaded Heather to go - but only if I would go. With only two songs left in the night, I gave in and we made our way to the floor.

Our uneventful night just got eventful.

About 30 seconds after getting to the floor, Nick tried to kiss me. I politely turned my head and kept as much distance as possible, while he did his best attempts at spinning me around, then pulling me in closer. After a few attempts of trying to kiss me, he apparently realized that wasn't the way to start out .... so he proceeded to LICK me. Yes, I said LICK. He licked my neck first, then licked my chin, my cheek, my chest. I thought he had to be joking, but he was dead serious and must have thought he was completely seducing me. I was completely grossed out, but they announced last song and it was back to hip hop, so I thought "how bad could it get?" and I stayed. Now I realize that was my downfall. Somehow amidst all my head turning, and doing anything I could to stay away from his tongue, my head turned the wrong way, and he kissed me. Well, to put it more accurately, he attempted to feel the back of my throat with his tongue.

I now understand the feeling of having your face molested. I didn't completely freak out, realizing he was drunk and relatively harmless. But it was baffling to me after I pushed him off that he continued to lick every part of my face he could. Apparently Heather didn't catch any of my "SAVE ME!" expressions, and thought it would be okay for her friend to continue to be licked clean by this total stranger. Can't blame her, but I left that place feeling dirtier than I EVER have and I couldn't get home fast enough to wash myself off.

I was totally baffled that someone could actually think that was okay to do to someone, and wondered if it had ever actually WORKED on anyone. Some girl out there gets to dance with Nick next time, and maybe she'll be the one who says "oh my gosh, I have always WANTED to be slobbered all over by someone I barely know, and have his tongue jammed down my throat ALLLL NIGHT!" I hope so. That way, there's one less Nick out there for the rest of us to have to deal with.

Just the recollection of the night has brought about that dirty feeling again. Excuse me while I go scrub my skin off.