Saturday, November 06, 2004

I don't mean to be so strange but my life just took a change

Listening to Gavin DeGraw's album right now. I love this stuff.

You know how there's always a disclaimer on concert tickets at the very bottom "Lineup subject to change"? That should be a footnote on my life. No matter how you plan things or anticipate how a certain thing is going to go, it's always subject to change - and probably will. I used to be someone who would plan things out and make sure everything was going to go according to my plans, and get a little more than ruffled when the schedule wasn't on time, or when there was a kink along the way to throw a wrench into things. I would have this grand idea in my head of how something should look or go, and how perfect it would all be at the outcome.

The one factor I was always forgetting about was other people. MY plans would be perfect if they were all up to ME. But they're not. And thankfully I finally started learning my lesson a while back and have become much more understanding of the "life is subject to change" philosophy. I'm not in control of everything, and shouldn't try to be.

People will disappoint, cancel plans, or change their minds. I understand they are most likely not intentionally trying to hurt me. It's just that life has changed for them, and following the ripple effect, it now means things have changed for me as well. This I can deal with. It's just that sometimes I would rather feel like I was floating on a still body of water, having to adjust to a minor ripple every now and then. As opposed to what usually happens, which is me going along with the flow, then getting overturned because a bunch of little ripples have all come at once causing a huge wave, catching me off guard.

But this is life and it's subject to change. I don't fight it anymore. I never know what could be waiting on the surface once I get my balance back.



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